📜 Thou shalt divine the most auspicious moments for thine upgrades and labors, lest unseen forces conspire against thy uptime. For verily, it is written: "Know the stars, and thy infrastructure shall know peace!" In the troubled times of deploy spellcraft, the wise DevOps sorcerer shall not trust in KB alone, but also in the heavens above — for fate and folly walk hand in hand! Behold, the monitoring plugin, forged in the sacred fires of Nagios and bound by the sigils of systemd, shall reveal unto thee the retrograde wanderings of the planets.
This Icinga plugin tracks planetary retrogrades in your dashboard, helping DevOps teams plan maintenance, avoid cursed deployments, and blame Mercury instead of Jenkins.
✅ Live retrograde status for planets on the dashboard
✅ Smart alerts for cosmically risky deploy windows
✅ Event logging - to blame planets, not engineers
✅ 100% astrologically accurate*
(* Not really.)
Plugin works as a host/service config dummy definitions that hold celestial events up to 2030. No external calls, no network traffic, no computational overhead.
Supposed to be placed in the configuration directory, i.e.:
/etc/icinga2/conf.d/celestial.conf - CHMOD 755
The sacred incantations of check_stars are bestowed upon thee under the MIT license, free for all who walk the path of open source. Use it wisely, for the stars are ever watchful.
Shouldst thou uncover a dark rift in the code — cast thy report into the ether here on Github, lest the cosmic forces remain unbalanced.
P.S. This brought a smile to our team on April 1st — may it do the same for you! 😊